The most Ridiculous things I used to think about my mind -AND how I handled difficult life situations

Some of you may know that I was a police officer and wildland firefighter for more than 13 years before becoming a full-time coach (and I still occasionally jump on a wildfire as a manager once or twice a year because I miss the travel and the bit of craziness).

During my time as a twenty-something-year-old firefighter, I had a perfectionist, self-sacrificing, Type-A personality. My entire identity was being a firefighter, and nothing else mattered. Or so I thought.

I still wrote down goals of things that I wanted outside of work.

I wanted to get a place to live where I had both of my dogs with me. I wanted to feel safe at home. I wanted to be better at my job without being judged. I wanted to connect with people with the same belief system as me. I wanted to be treated like a valuable professional and not be picked on for who I was.

These were big desires for me at the time - because I never prioritized them (or truthfully, was even willing to change at that time). I never focused on what I wanted long enough - other than to wish for it. I didn't have the mindset that I had to put in thoughtful, purposeful action to get what I wanted. I wasn't unsuccessful very often growing up, so when I did fail, it wrecked me. So I learned to force things to make them work - so I felt successful and so no one knew that I wasn't good at anything. (But seriously - who the hell is good at literally everything...)

Because my job was my entire identity, my reality was that my own feelings and the feelings of others didn't matter and sometimes didn't exist. It didn't matter how tough my life was at the time, I believed I was supposed just suck it up and ignore the consequences. Because I was a chronic and perfectionistic self-sacrificer, I didn't have good relationships because I didn't respect myself. I never felt truly successful because I couldn't accept compliments or recognize the full spectrum of emotions.

Some of the crazy thoughts that continually ran through my head:

"I'm not good enough"

"Everyone else is an idiot"

"I can't trust anyone"

"I have a ton of trauma, you wouldn't understand"

"I wish I could get rid of my emotions"

"I want to feel better, more in control"

Today, these thoughts seem crazy to me - because I have spent years healing my mind, healing my body, and figuring out how to live with a healthy connection with myself. But 5 or 10 years ago, every single one of these statements ran through my head. Several times. Each hour.

One of the things I learned is that I couldn't change everything in an instant. You have to pick one of the things that's wrong in your life. Commit to working on it. And ask for help when you get stuck.

Life works in a cyclical manner. Nothing ever moves in a straight line. You will continue to revisit problems again sometimes - but from a higher level.

If you commit to working on a problem in your life, the best pieces of advice I have are:

Find someone that has been successful in that area, or is really good at solving that problem and model them (their behavior, mindsets, habits, and values).

Be okay with getting uncomfortable. Our minds thrive on being able to predict the future, and when you introduce something new, your mind and body naturally hesitate and then produce fear because they can't prepare; it hasn't seen or done it before.

Be okay with repeating things. Sometimes the same thing will continue to bother you (continuous anxiety, the same memories, the same people, the same job scenarios, etc). These problems will be there until you learn all the necessary lessons.

And lastly, make sure you note your intention (why) and where you want to go instead. You can't solve a problem without knowing what it is - and if you don't have your "why", you'll probably lose momentum as soon as you see a little progress and the intensity of the problem wears off (until it pops back up for you again). Make sure your "why" is for just you (not your spouse, parents, etc), and make sure you have an idea of where you want to go in the future - this helps you know if what you're doing to solve the problem is actually working or not.

Let me know what you're trying to solve and what obstacles you're running into. I love watching people create something they haven't done before!

-Anne